


"peace" a Taylor Swift x Joe Alwyn baby fanfic

by peraltiagolife



Series: "peace" a Taylor Swift x Joe Alwyn baby fanfic [1]
Category: Taylor Swift (Musician), folklore - Taylor Swift (Album)
Genre: Actor - Freeform, Album: folklore (Taylor Swift), Angst, Celebrities, Eating Disorders, F/M, First Child, Fluff, Humor, Jaylor, Mansion Fic, Meet the Family, Miscarriage, Music, Perfect, Piano, Pregnancy, Romance, Song: peace (Taylor Swift), Swearing, Unplanned Pregnancy, jaylor baby, private jets, singer - Freeform, some smut, songwriter - Freeform, taylor is bi, taylor swift pregnant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:14:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25915690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peraltiagolife/pseuds/peraltiagolife
Summary: Set a couple months after folklore and lockdown covid never happened because i'm sick of it at this point.I pin my phone to my ear with my shoulder as I sit picking at the skin around my nails. I'm perched on the edge of the bath trying to focus on my tour manager, Andrew, rambling down the phone. I take a deep breath in an attempt to settle the pit of dread growing within me. "So I'm in Westborough when?!", I ask after zoning out completely, he proceeds to repeat all 56 tour dates to me in order, "Ok sounds good". I glance at the overly art-deco clock hanging on the wall, wondering how I ever could have liked it, more importantly I check the time. Here goes…I hedge nervously towards the sink, barely taking my slipper coated feet off the tiled floor. After what feels like eternity, I'm standing at the sink counter staring at a very positive pregnancy test. "fuck."
Relationships: Joe Alwyn & Taylor Swift, Joe Alwyn/Taylor Swift
Series: "peace" a Taylor Swift x Joe Alwyn baby fanfic [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1880791
Comments: 1
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1 - "I'm gonna have to call you back"

**Taylor POV**

I pin my phone to my ear with my shoulder as I sit picking at the skin around my nails. I'm perched on the edge of the bath trying to focus on my tour manager, Andrew, rambling down the phone. I take a deep breath in an attempt to settle the pit of dread growing within me. " _ So I'm in Westborough when?!",  _ I ask after zoning out completely, he proceeds to repeat all 56 tour dates to me in order, " _ Ok sounds good".  _ I glance at the overly art-deco clock hanging on the wall, wondering how I ever could have liked it, more importantly I check the time.  _ Here goes… _

I hedge nervously towards the sink, barely taking my slipper coated feet off the tiled floor. After what feels like eternity, I'm standing at the sink counter staring at a very positive pregnancy test.  _ "fuck." _

_ "All good over their Taylor"  _ asks Andrew, surprised.  _ Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. _

_ "Taylor?"  _

_ "I'm gonna have to call you back"  _ I hang up and slam my phone onto the counter beside me.  _ Shit.  _ I'd taken pregnancy tests before, many a time. I'm an anxious person. I keep multiple behind the toilet roll in the guest bathroom cupboard. I'd been pregnant before, well, not really. I miscarried at 7 weeks in the fall of 2019, but it never hit me, any of it. Not the pregnancy, not even losing the baby. For five weeks I convinced myself I wanted a baby, I had to. But it was all over so soon. I told Joe just days before the miscarriage, he was so happy, in fact afterwards, what hurt me most was knowing how much Joe wanted the baby. We never really spoke of it, not out of fear of sorrow but it just never really came up. It felt like a story. Like it wasnt real. A story someone else wrote for me.

But that was in the past. I place a shaky hand on my stomach, I look in the gold framed mirror in front of me. Staring at my familiar silhouette. I puff my stomach out, picturing myself in just a few months…

_ Fuck. _

I breathe out. Watching my belly slowly deflate. Taking one last look in the mirror, I leave the bathroom and head downstairs. I try not to think about  _ it _ . I'm not sure how to feel right now, and I'm certainly not about to decide, so set my mind to distraction mode. 

It's 6pm, Joe's working on prep for an upcoming press tour so won't be back for a while. I decided that baking would do best to take my mind off things. 

I decide to make cat cookies. I saw a tasty recipe a while back and had been curious ever since. They're like cookies, but for cats! I get started, retrieving various pots, pans and bowls from around my embarrassingly cluttered kitchen. 

I close the oven, leaving the fishy cookies inside and wiping my hands on my now dirty sweats. I do my best to clean up before heading upstairs to take a shower. As I move through the house I take special care to avoid the guest bathroom.

I stand under the water, head tilted back. I place my hand on my stomach once again. It's different this time. It's like a warm tingle. Like when you kiss someone for the very first time. I've always wanted to be a mother, since I was just a little kid. It will make Joe so happy.

And then it hits me. Like a train. I want this baby. 

I want to carry a human inside of me.  _ My _ human, inside of  _ me.  _ Well, me and Joe's but still. I want to hold a baby in my arms and give it all the love I have to give and more. 

_ Ok. I'm sounding a little cringey right now, and I really do need to wash my hair. _

  
  


I step out of the shower onto the bath mat below. I do that weird towel shuffle across the bathroom, so as not to get the floor all wet. I grab two towels from the shelf, placing the smaller of the two on the toilet lid beside me. The towels are freshly washed, but not in a nice soft way, in a rough and crunchy way. I do my best to de-rough it, as I wipe down my legs and torso. I wrap the now marginally less crunchy towel around me, tucking it in at my chest. Picking up the other towel, I begin to pat down my hair. I quickly get bored and throw it up in a turban. 

I walk back down to the kitchen, and check the timer.  _ Shit.  _ It already went off. I grab the oven gloves and slide the tray out of the oven with one hand and wafting the concerning cloud of smoke with the other. I place them on the hob and trudge back upstairs feeling rather disappointed in my baking efforts.

I get to the bedroom and plop down on the bed, burrowing my face into a mountain of pillows. I'm tired, which is odd for me, I'm usually a night owl. I consider putting some pyjamas on or at least drying my hair. But they all require effort I don't have. I settle with a sleeping face first in a towel, after all; I'm pregnant.


	2. Chapter 2 - "hello you..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taylor needs to tell Joe, but how?

**Chapter 2 - " _hello you..."_**

The cold is what wakes me, as far as i can tell it's not too cold inside the house but rather me having slept in a towel and wet hair. I take a moment to stretch before scurrying over to the small wardrobe in front of me. When I first moved into this house I was so excited by the idea of a walk-in wardrobe, but after a while i found i just left all my comfy clothes and PJs in a pile on the floor. After a long day the last thing i wanted was to trek all the way to the other side of the house just to find a pair of sweats. And thus became the "comfy closet", it's just a wardrobe in the bedroom full of sweats, Ts, jumpers and leggings. It also became the place where Joe would leave his stuff when we first started dating.

Speaking of Joe, there's certainly evidence he came home last night, judging by the pile of men's clothes by the door that wasn't there before.

Once dressed I make my way around the room picking up the vast amounts of dirty laundry and shove it into the hamper in the bathroom. I consider actually doing the laundry but settle with the classic “i'll do it later”, i won't.

I head towards the guest bathroom, looking for signs of Joe as I go. It's exactly how I left it. The test sits just in front of the sink, my phone; faced down beside it. I forgot I left my phone there, I pick it up and put it in my lint filled pocket. The test is still positive, i don't know why it wouldn't be but it still was. I carefully place it behind some spare towels on a shelf beside me. I'm still not sure how to tell him, I should probably find him first though…

I find him sitting at the breakfast bar with a cup of coffee, his eyes pacing over a new script of his.

" _Hello you…_ " i say as i place my hands on his cotton covered shoulders. He smiles, reaching his hand up to mine. 

"Good morning gorgeous" he whispers, kissing me on the cheek. I move round to sit on the stool beside him.

"What time did you get back last night?" I ask, attempting to piece together a timeline of the day prior.

" 'bout nine, you were asleep though, i tried to get you to put some PJs on but you shouted at me"

I blush, " _sorry,_ i get sleep angry", he chuckles, revealing his bright, white teeth. I rest my head on his shoulder, soaking him in. "I saw you did some baking…" he says, breaking the silence.

" _Yeah…_ i put them in the oven, took a shower, and _may or may not_ have forgotten about them"

"I can tell" he says nodding towards the half eaten cookie beside him.

"OH MY GOD! you didn't?!" I ask shrieking with laughter.

"I didn't what?!" he asks, confused.

"They're, they're for cats!" I say barely breathing with laughter.

"TAYLOR!" 

"How was i supposed to know you'd eat them?!" We're both cry laughing at this point.

"Because they're cookies! Why did you make the cats cookies?!"

I can't say anything, i'm laughing so hard.

It's late afternoon and I still haven't told Joe, however i _have_ made a plan. He takes a shower everyday after dinner, why, I couldn't tell you _but_ it does make for the perfect opportunity. He's sitting on the couch downstairs, still on the script from earlier. Making sure he's distracted i make my way to the bathroom, being quiet as i go. I take his towel along with the rest of the dirty laundry from earlier down to the basement where I make sure to put it on a long cycle.

I make a thai curry for dinner, it's not my best work but Joe seemed to like it. I attempted to give hints to him taking a shower without seeming rude. _Spoiler:_ it's hard! 

We finish the dishes together and I plop down on the couch, I'm starting to get nervous. "I'm off to take a shower" he says, making his way towards the stairs.

"Oh babe, your towels in the wash so grab one from the guest bathroom!" 

"Thanks!" he calls back, reaching the landing.

I'm really getting nervous now. I count the steps as he makes his way up the last flight of stairs. Then it all goes quiet. I hear him make his way back downstairs, I make my way towards them so I'm standing at the foot of the staircase. 

And then he's there. Standing at the top of the stairs. Smile wide and eyes glued to the small white stick in his hands. He looks up for a moment and our eyes meet. Pursing his lips together, a tear rolls down his stubble cheek. I can't contain myself and run up towards him. He meets me halfway, embracing me with love I never thought I'd have. "I love you so much" me mumbles through the tears.

"I love you too" I sob.

  
A/N thanks so much for reading ch2! I stuggles with parts of this one but still really liked it. Hope u liked it and have an awesome day!!


	3. Chapter 3 - "Hi I'm Taylor"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to the first time Taylor met Joe's family...

  
**A/N i had a bit of trouble coming up with what should happen in this chapter so it's a sorta flashback type thing. I also couldn't remeber the name of Joe's dad so i just called him Richard but yeah hope you enjoy!**

I remember the first time I went to London with Joe. I'd been before for various tours and award shows but never just for the pleasure of it. We'd been dating for three or so months and thought it was time I met his parents. As far as i was aware he'd told them about me, but as i was about to find out, Joe had been pretty _vague_. 

We walked up to a grand red brick house, i made sure to remove my baseball cap and sunglasses before they opened the door. We weren't publicly dating yet so my simple yet effective disguise was key. I wore a simple white pencil skirt and blouse, keep it simple! As we approach the door he squeezes my hand a little tighter. We exchange nervous smiles and he rings the doorbell.

A middle aged woman opens the door, " _Oh my darling!"_ she says taking him in for a hug. " _Oh! And you must be the special lady I've been hearing about!"_ She says pulling me in for an unexpected embrace. 

"It's so lovely to meet you, might i say you have a wonderful garden!" I say nervously.

" _Oh it's nothing to do with me! That's all Richard, speaking of; come on in''_

We make our way into the house, hanging up my coat and purse on the way. It leads into a beautiful open plan kitchen and dining room.

"Richard's just getting changed and _Patrick...shit_! Joe, can you pick Patrick up from football!" She says frantically.

"Sorry about this love, we're usually more organized!"

"Oh it's fine! My family's the same" i say.

"Oh Joe why don't you take _umm_ … I've just realised I don't know your name! How embarrassing!" She says slipping on a pale green apron. _Oh great! Joe didn't tell her my name._

"Taylor" I say reaching my hand out, she shakes it firmly.

"Why don't you go with Joe, do a bit of sightseeing on the way!"

Joe appears from behind me holding a set of car keys. "Ready to go?" I nod, following him back through the house. 

"Joe," I say, mid way through the journey, "I don't mean to sound like a dick but does your mom not know who i am? Or does she just not care? I wouldn't be offended either way"

" _Yeah_ … about that, I'm sorry i didn't tell them who you were, i just didn't want them to judge me, i dunno, it was stupi-"

"No it's fine, i get it. In fact it was really nice to meet someone who just saw me as a person, ya know?" 

We spend the rest of the ride talking about our childhood as Joe points out various landmarks. As we pull up to the pitch I can see Joe getting nervous.

"None of my family know so an apology in advance for Patrick" 

I chuckle as he sticks his head out the window, hailing who I presumed to be Patrick. He jumps in the backseat and Joe pulls away quickly, "what's the hurry?" he says, "oh and hi Joe's girlfriend!"

"Heya" I say, turning round to face him. He just stares at me for a moment before opening his mouth open, only for nothing to come out. "I'm Taylor" I say reaching out my hand, he shakes it still wide open. 

"Patrick?!" Joe says nervously. 

"Joe, why is Taylor Swift in the passenger seat of our parents Reno?" says Patrick in an oddly calm manor. "I'm his girlfriend" I say proudly. "One question and one question only for you Miss Swift; _why the fuck did you pick my brother?!"_ Both me and Joe chuckle as he waits for an answer. "You're brother is the most wonderful man I have ever met, in fact _I'm rather offended you would think of him so lowly_ " I say laughing.

" _Yeah you're so right! Joe's amazing!"_

** Joe POV **

Despite being a huge fan of Taylor, Patrick and her seem to get along really well. They sat next to each other at dinner and would not stop talking! Thankfully Patrick didn't say anything about her being one of the most famous pop artists in the world, in fact I'm pretty sure my dad didn't recognize her either or if he did, didn't say anything which is a nice surprise. And thank god the " _so where do you work"_ didn't come up!

Me and mum are clearing up from the main course when she pulls me aside, out of earshot from the dining table.

"So Joe…" she says in a way i haven't heard since she gave me the sex talk, "i don't want to seem rude but has it ever crossed your mind that prehaps Taylor might just be in for the money or fame, she seems so lovely and it's probably just me being over protective…" _god this is priceless_ , "you don't know who she is do you…"

" _Oh lord_. She's not an escort is she?!" I can't help but laugh at this point.

"Mum. That's Taylor Swift. She's one of, if not the biggest names in music. She has ten grammys _and_ a brit award!" I say, trying to keep my voice down. "Oh" she says bluntly, "you know i thought she looked familiar…"

**Thanks so much for reading chapter 3. I actually had alot of fun with this one, especially the bits with his mum. Anyways hope you enjoyed and have a wonderful day!**


	4. Chapter 4 - "Was I invited?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taylor has a special someone's birthday to attend but doesnt know what to wear...

**A/N** Hey guys! Here's chapter four! I've already written half of chapter 5 which was originally going to be part of this but then i relaised it was 1300 words and that i should probably just split it. Anyways donr worry I'll probably publish chapter 5 some time today. P.S: thanks for over 150 reads!!!

**Joe POV**

It's been a week since Taylor told me about the baby and to be honest, it's been one of the best weeks of our relationship. Neither of us have had much work and the weather's been really nice which is a bonus. 

I spent most of the day on work calls whilst Taylor… i haven't seen her since breakfast.

I eventually find her in her closet, trying on various summer dresses. "What's all this for?" I sat assessing the mess that's now accumulated across the floor and settee.

"I'm surprising a sort of friend of mine at her birthday party on Tuesday but I can't find anything to wear" She says in defeat. "First off, all these look wonderful on _and off_ you" she rolls her eyes "and number 2, who's birthday?" 

" _Billie's_ " she says smugly, putting a blouse back on its respective hanger.

"I would ask _Billie who?_ , but judging by the humble brag I'm gonna assume it's the seventeen year old with five grammys?"

"Soon to be eighteen, and _maybe_ …" she says twiddling her hair.

" _And she didn't invite me?!"_ I say with a pout. 

Taylor POV

"Sadly no, would you wanna come?" I say, putting away some shoes. He chuckles in disbelief. 

"I'm serious, I'm sure they wouldn't mind"

"Taylor, baby, it's fine. Really, you guys have a whole thing going on, I've never even met her" he remarks.

"What if I wanted you to come, would you do it then?" I say, playing the field of interest. 

"Of course I would, but i don't think you do. Listen, you have a special bond ok, you made that whole speech thing about her after she took a title you once had 'n all that ok? I'd love to come but I don't want to third wheel your fun." he says bluntly.

"Okay, but it's only a night so you won't be too lonely. And, you'll have the itty-bitty-pretty-kitty-committee to keep you company" i say, heading out the door.

"Still an inconvenient name!" he shouts back.

**Joe POV**

It's Monday and Taylor's leaving for LA tonight. She's really been looking forward to it all week and won't stop bringing it up. I don't mind it though, I love seeing her like this, especially as she doesn't do these things very often, they tend to stress her out like mad. This time seems different though, I think she sees Billie as a sort of reflection of her younger self. Taylor was over the moon when Billie had won Billboard's Woman of the Year, becoming the youngest to ever recieve it. It had once been Taylor's title but with receiving Woman of the Decade, it almost seemed poetic that Billie should take that title. 

Despite all of that, her nerves are poking through as the day nears. I've done my best to calm her down but it's not much use.

It's early afternoon and we settle down on the sofa watching Law and Order. She lies with her head on my chest, I stroke the hair from her face. I can't help but stare at her, soaking up every detail. She occasionally looks up with a cheeky smile and my heart folds. Taking my hand, she grips it tightly, lifting it on to her stomach. She holds it there, it's funny, i never knew i could feel this much love for something so small. "I love you" I mouthe as she blows me a kiss. 

We cuddle for a while longer before it's time for her to leave, I don't want her to go but I know that she'll have a good time. I get her bag from upstairs along with the numerous gifts, she tends to get carried away on the gift front, hence our 'no gift' rule. It has exceptions, for example; it can be something we make, like a painting or a song in Taylor's case or even food, but no _gift_ gifts. Her stuff's at the door as she grabs the last bits and bobs before she heads off. Keys in hand she walks towards me, she stands close enough to feel her breath but not her body. For a moment we just stand, holding one another for what seems like eternity. When she finally pulls away I keep hold of her hand. I kneel down, " _Now then little swifty_ " i say talking to her barely visible bump " _you better not make mummy sick ok?"_ Taylor chuckles as I come up to meet her eyes. "I love you but you are gonna be late" I give her a kiss then practically have to push her out the door as she waves goodbye. I look through the glass in the window as she walks towards the car. I hate saying goodbye, even when I know she's coming back. Something in me wants her to stay next to me forever. Just there. But I try not to wallow and get to cleaning up the house a bit.

 **A/N** thanks so much for reading chapter 4!! Can't wait for you to read the next bit. Have an amazing day!!


	5. Chapter 5 - "I'm gonna be sick. Now"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taylor meets Billie for her birthday but starts feeling rather ill...

**A/N** heya here's chapter 5, sorry it's taken me two days when i said it'd be up two days ago😅 anyways this is basically just a continuation of chapter 4 and so will chapter 6. Thanks so much for 300 reads! Enjoy!

**Taylor POV**

It's early morning when we finally arrive at LAX, I managed to sleep on the plane but the jetlag is still very real. I'm wearing black skinny jeans and jumper. Me and her mom, Maggie decided that the best way to surprise her was with Benjamin Button who she apparently loves so I've got him on my lap. I have a couple hours to kill till Billie's so head to the house. It's a pretty long drive so take the opportunity to call Joe. I hold my phone to my ear as it rings…

**Joe POV**

I'm wiping down the shower when I hear my phone vibrating on the sink counter. Taylor's smiling face appears as I pick up the phone.   
"Hello you" I say, moving to the bedroom.   
"Joeeeeee" she says squealing down the line.   
"You alright baby?" I sit on the edge of the bed, smoothing the sheets with my free hand.   
"We landed a little while ago and we're just driving now, how about you?" she enquired.   
"I'm all good, just doing some house work and stuff."   
"You're the first boy I've ever met who actually enjoys cleaning." she laughs, I love hearing her laugh.   
"And how's Benji?"   
"He's doing good, _aren't you, my beautiful boy?"_ that was clearly directed at the cat and not me.   
"Why did you take Benjamin again?"   
"Basically, according to Billie's mom, she absolutely loves Benji and has always wanted to meet him. _Isn't that crazy bubba?"_   
"So am I right in thinking that the Billie Eilish wants to meet your cat?"   
"Yes. Who wouldn't?" she says bluntly, we both chuckle.   
We talk for a little longer before we both have to get back to our respective tasks.   
"...Ok well I love you lots and I'll speak to you later" I end the call.

**Taylor POV**

Joe ends the call just as we pull up to the driveway. I ask the driver to bring my bags in as I scoop up Benjamin who had previously been sleeping peacefully. The house is bigger than I remember. When I open the door it smells like...clean. I have housekeeping to look after it when I'm not here for a while but I'm pretty sure this is the cleanest it's been since I moved. Putting Benji down I go and fill up his bowl. Moving through the house I look in each and every room. Why, I don't know, maybe to re-familiarize me with the house. Which to be honest seems a tad unnecessary as I'm only staying for a night. I'm planning to visit all my houses before I have the baby. So as to decide which to spend the first couple years. I love to travel but I want to settle down, at least for a little while. At the moment it's either Rhode Island or Nashville. LA is just too busy for me, I don't mind it when it's just me, but it isn't and there are paps everywhere. Nashville has the added bonus of my parents being near by but I adore the scenery of Rhode Island. It's a tough decision and I need Joe's opinion, but right now I'm gonna take a nap.

It's just before two when I set off, I take the decision to drive myself so as not to draw attention. On my way there I realize I didn't have any lunch and now I'm starving. All I want is In 'n Out but the last thing I want is to be recognized. I search my car and manage to find a baseball cap and sunglasses. I put them on and head towards the drive thru window.   
"Welcome to In 'n Out! What can I get for you today?" Says a cheery sounding woman through the speaker.   
"Can I get a Double Double with fries" I say with my Southernmost accent.   
"You sure can! Is that all?"   
"And a diet coke with no ice"   
"Okay, so that's a Double Double with fries and a Diet Coke no ice"   
"Sure is!" I can't lie, I am quite enjoying the southern persona.   
"That'll be $5.10. And if you could pay and collect at window two"   
I collect my food, keeping my head down and my accent strong. Benjamin's in his cat carrier on the passenger seat so I plop the food next to him. I manage to finish most of the food before I get to Billie's. When I get there I text her mum who then proceeds to give my directions to the entrance from the backyard. I took him out of the carrier so Benji's just in my arms now. Her mother opens the door, she gives me a quick hug and Benji a pet before gesturing to me that Billie's inside. She had called me about the plan earlier so I knew what was going on. Me and Benjamin hide in the kitchen while Maggie talks to Billie. "Ok Billie, for this surprise you're going to have to put a blindfold on okay?" She says with excitement.   
"Ok, but it better not be a fucking crow, those things creep me the fuck out!" I hold back my laughter as she ties the scarf behind her head.   
"It is an animal though, so be gentle"   
"What the hell is going onnn?!" whines Billie as I hand Benjamin over to Maggie. I'm practically squealing with excitement at this point. "Ok now put your arms out…"   
She reaches out her arms as her mom carefully places Benji in her arms.   
"Holy shit! What is this, is it a cat?" Maggie slowly removes the blindfold and Billie's face lights up. "NO! It's not! Shut up! I fucking LOVE this cat dude!" She says in disbelief, petting him gently. "Where's Taylor?!" She shouts, looking around the room. I come out from the kitchen giggling, she runs towards me and embraces me tightly. "I didn't know you were such a big fan of Benji over here!" I say stroking his neck. "I swear this is the cutest fucking cat!" She puts him down, pulling me in for another hug. "It's so nice to finally meet you!" I say placing my hand on her shoulder.   
"Holy shit. Taylor Swift is at my fucking birthday!" We both laugh moving towards the sofa. We talk about being young in the music industry, surnames and cats when suddenly a wave of nausea overwhelms me, I turn away for a moment in an attempt to compose myself but it doesn't help. I feel the colour drain from my face and my throat clench. _Fuck. I'm gonna be sick. Now._ I run to what I presume to be the bathroom and thank god it is as I then proceed to violently empty the context of my stomach. As far as I can tell everyone was too engrossed in the party to notice my mad sprint to the toilet. I stay there for a while, leaning on the side of the bowel.   
" _Taylor?_ " says a familiar voice behind me, _shit._

 **A/N** Thanks so much for reading chapter 5, hope you enjoyed it. I must admit this billie but is prety long but im really enjoying id so yeah! 


	6. Chapter 6 - "it's a secret"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billie walks in to find Taylor vomiting profusely...

" _ Taylor?"  _ says a familiar voice behind me,  _ shit. _

" _ Heya"  _ I say with a forced smile, attempting to wipe my mouth with some toilet paper.

"Are you ok?!" 

"I'm fine. Really." She looks skeptical.

"You fucking projectile vomited. You are not fine!"

"Billie. Calm down. I'm fine."

"No you're not! I'm gonna get you a doctor" she says getting her phone out.

"No please! Look, if I tell you, you can't tell anyone, i mean it. Not your mom, not Finneas, no one." I take a deep breath, "I'm pregnant" I say bluntly. She looks at me, processing what I just said.

"Holy shit" she whispers.

_ "Surprise"  _ I say, mimicking jazz hands.

"Holy shit! I mean congrats!" She pulls me in for a hug.

"Oh my gahd! Wait. So no one knows?!"

"Only Joe, but yeah, not even my parents" I can't help but smile, like a weight lifted off my shoulders.

By the time we had said our goodbyes and were back in the car it was around 10pm. Benjamin was asleep on my lap while I scrolled through the depths of twitter. Not a lot was going on so I decided to call Joe. According to my questionable math it would be around eight there. I call him and he immediately picks up, "Hello?" says a familiar British voice. " _ Hey baby"  _ I say with a smile. "What's up?" 

"Well I'm in the car now, it went really well, I had a great time and I think Billie did too"

"I'm sure she had a great time. Anyways, you staying the night in LA?" He says softly, it's easy to sound patronizing but somehow he doesn't. "Nah, I'm on the way to the airport now so I'll try and sleep on the plane" I say rubbing my eyes.

"Were you sick at all?" He says quietly.

"Sadly yes, another thing happened too. Don't worry it's nothing bad but I'll tell you when i get home ok?" I say trying not to alert the driver. Only three people in the world know about this baby, me, Joe and strangely enough Billie. "Um  _ ok…  _ as long as you're alright" he says, suspicion lining his response. "Yeah, yeah. Nothing  _ major  _ as such but um yeah, we'll talk later. Anyways how's things with you?"

"Good yeah, attempting to sort out the house a bit, did some work, kept 'Mer and Olivia company" 

"Sounds  _ fun?  _ How are the girls?"

"There doing  _ great, missing you obviously, you know the usual, being cats n all that" _

"Hilarious." 

"You know, i like to think so"

"You sure do! Sadly, Tree has been trying to call me for that last 10 minutes and I should probably get back to her.  _ So,  _ I love you lots and I'll see you tomorrow"

"Ok, love you too" he says, ending the call. I sigh, looking at the missed calls from Tree, judging by the sheer number I presume it must be urgent. I press the phone icon next to her name and it starts ringing.

"Oh. Taylor love,  _ finally" _

" _ Jeez, I'm sorry.  _ I was talking to Joe" she chuckles. " _ What?" _

" _ Ah,  _ i remember when you first met him, you were  _ always  _ on the phone to Joe"

"It was young love!" I say with a pout.

"Taylor you're thirty" she says bluntly.

"Yeah but I wasn't then" I smirk.

" _ Anyways!  _ I was just calling to check in, see how the party went"

"You called me six times to ask me how a party went?"

"I mean yes…  _ and  _ Joe put a photo of Meredith on his story and it's blowing up…"

" _ Did he now…  _ well. It could be any cat." I say slyly.

"Taylor. It's clearly your cat."

"Look. I don't mind him doing that ok? Him sharing a picture of my cat isn't sharing intimate details of our relationship. It's not a secret we're together. But thanks for telling me."

"Ok, well i was just letting you know, but glad to hear your so lackadaisical on the whole thing" I laugh loudly.

"I am far from lackadaisical but sure"

"Alright love, well i let you get back to whatever you're up to"

"Alright, well thanks for the heads up and talk later" I end the call and check Joe's story and sure enough, there's a photo of Meredith lying on her back legs stretched out over the kitchen floor. I chuckle softly, Joe wasn't too keen on the cats when he first started staying over but they've definitely grown on him. And ever since we got Benjamin it's like he's a whole new man. 

  
**A/N** sorry this chapter's so short, I've been busy but anyways hope you enjoyed it. I'm not sure what's gonna happen next so leave suggestions. Also thanks for 700 reads! Have a fabulous day!


	7. Chapter 7 - "Patrck get in the car!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Taylor gets a call from her boyfriend's younger brother at 2am she knows it cant be good...

It's been about 2 weeks since I went to LA for Billie's birthday, we're staying in London now. Things have been good, Joe's been busy with meetings and readings for an upcoming film. It's worn him out completely but he loves it non the less. I however have been impressively unproductive. I'm meant to be preparing a tracklist for the tour as well as a write up of how I want it to look. None of that has taken place. Morning sickness seems to be staying at a steady level of  _ absolutely terrible, I am never doing this again,  _ so that's fun. 

It's a friday night and I'm sitting on the sofa with a half eaten bag of microwave popcorn. Joe's taking a shower. I pause the episode of friends playing and get up, placing the popcorn on the kitchen counter. Half an hour ago popcorn sounded great but now the thought of it makes me feel sick beyond myself. I get a glass of water and plop back down on the sofa, hoping it'll pass. 

Joe comes down the stairs, towel around his waist, hair damp. "I'm up to bed so I'll see you in the morning" he says walking towards me. He stands behind the sofa, putting his hands on my shoulders. "Ok, well goodnight" I say tilting my head back for a kiss. He kisses me tenderly. "Love you" he says softly. "Love you too" he kisses me one last time before heading up to bed. I sigh.  _ God I'm lucky to have him.  _ No. Not going down that road, i haven't cried today and i plan to keep it that way. I press play as the opening credits run.

I'm rudely awoken by a loud ringing beside me. It's Joe's phone, I check the time, it's 2am, I must have fallen asleep on the sofa. The phone continues to ring, it's Patrick. I pick up wondering why an earth he'd be calling at this time. "Ugh finally!" he slurs "it's rude not to pick up the phone!" he's clearly drunk.

"Patrick, it's Taylor, is everything ok?" 

"Yes! And also no 'cause  _ basically i went to this party because it's friday n all that and it would be rude not to and then we went to the park so we could go on the swings and stuff but then they said they wanted to go back to the party but i didn't want to so i stayed but it's dark and know don't know where i am"  _ he whines.

"Ok." I say, assessing the situation. "Do you know where the party was?" I ask, hoping to narrow down his location. "It was near islington" 

"Patrick honey, you need to be more specific. Did you go to a bar or anything nearby?" I say, rubbing my brow.

"It's called a pub!  _ Silly american!" _

"Ok well  _ did you go to a pub?"  _ Jeez this is hard work. 

"Yeah but i don't know what it was called"

"Alright, here's what you're gonna do; I want you to go to maps, ok? But stay on the phone to me, then i want you to take a screenshot and send it to me. Can you do that?"

"I'm not a baby!" he pouts. I wait a moment for him to send me his location, making my way towards the shoe rack and slipping on a pair of sneakers. " _ Ok… _ i did it!" and as he says so i receive the photo. I put the address into my satnav. I put on my coat before heading out the door. "Ok then Patrick, I need you to go to the nearest park entrance and wait there, I'm on my way alright" I text my security team to tell them where I'm going and make my way towards the garage.

By the time I got there Joe was asleep by the gate, I tried my best to keep him awake on the drive over but he hung up. I quickly park before attempting to get him in the car. "Patrick love, you need to get up ok?" He angrily mumbles something before opening his eyes. " _ Patrick?! _ " I say waving my hand in front of his face. He groans, closing his eyes once more. "For fucks sake Patrick get up! I swear to god if I wake up to find pictures of me lugging your drunk ass into my car, you are a fucking dead man walking. So pull yourself together and get up!" Thankfully he gets up, stumbling towards the car. I open the back door and he gets in. I put his seat belt on before slamming the door shut and getting in the front. " _ Ok, home time!" _

Out of some miracle I managed to keep him awake through the journey home. Knowing full well there was no way i was gonna be able to get a six foot seventeen year old out of my car to save my life. I made sure to text his parents with some bullshit about it being quicker to get to our house and the busses were messed up. When we get home I put him to bed on the sofa with a glass of water and a bucket, before saying goodnight and heading upstairs. It's almost four by the time i get into bed. 

" _ Morning fart-face"  _ says Joe softly. I open my eyes to find him sitting on the bed rubbing my back. I grumpily sit up, rubbing my eyes. "Morning" I yawn. I sit there for a while as Joe makes his way downstairs. I should probably take a shower. 

And by some grace if god i only got out once to be sick. I have an online meeting today so I make somewhat of an effort. I go with a fitted pinstripe jumper and jeans. 

Patrick's still asleep by the time I get downstairs. I sigh, looking at the sick filler bucket. I make my way towards the toaster before feeling Joe's arms around my waist. 

"Care to explain why my brother is passed out on our sofa?"

"Hm yeah, I'll let him tell it" I say chuckling.

"I'm serious Taylor, what happened?"

"He went to a party, got drunk, they went to a park but he got lost, called you, I picked him up and drove him back here where I put him to bed" I say bluntly.

"Thank you. You didn't have to do that, I owe you, big time"

" _ Yeah.  _ You do. Speaking of, I haven't had any calls from my PR team about photos of me dragging an intoxicated minor into my car at 2am so that's nice" we laugh.

"It's ok though, we've all been there"

" _ No way"  _ he says, suspicious.

"You think I never got absolutely hammered and needed to be driven home?"

"I mean yeah, you just never seemed like the sort to get  _ that  _ drunk"

"Well, if i wasn't pregnant I'd say let's go out tonight and I'll show you just how drunk i get but that seems like not the best plan"

_ "Yeah, maybe not" _ says Joe, we both chuckle and continue with our mornings.

** A/N ** **Thanks so much for reading chapter ! Also thank you for 800 reads! As always leave suggestions, i really enjoy writing Patrick and hope you enjoyed reading it! Have a magnificent day!**


	8. Chapter 8 - "What's your favorite?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taylor goes to a lovely little cafe with her mom and makes freinds with the very sweet owner...

"My mom's in London for a couple nights so I'm going to see her, Joe won't be back till sixish, you're free to stay here but I don't mind giving you a lift" I say, collecting my keys from the island.   
"Um, you know what, sure. That'd be great actually. Lemee just get my shoes on" he says getting up from his now well adjusted spot on the couch. He looks around for a moment, scanning the room for his shoes.   
"Have you by any chance seen my shoes anywhere" I pause for a moment thinking back to the night before. "To be honest Patrick, I don't remember you having shoes when I picked you up. I didn't take them off you, unless you did. Maybe Joe did but they'd be on the shoe rack"   
"Hmm" he says, pondering what to do next.   
"Why don't I get you an old pair of Joe's. Just say you spilt your drink or something. One sec"

I make my way upstairs and into the closet, I find a grubby, but presentable pair of maroon converse. I pick up a pair of socks while I'm there too.  
By the time both me and Patrick are in the car. I'm running rather late for my coffee date but justify that it's easier than driving Patrick back some other time.   
I drop him off home, making sure to go over his excuse before we get there. The last thing I want is an angry text from Elizabeth. As far as i can tell it all went well though, no aggressive messages yet.

I arrive at a cozy looking cafe, there are sweet pastries in the window along with fresh bread and various milk alternatives. Ok the weird fake milk's are a little daunting but add to the vibe nonetheless! 

We picked this one because it has a little backroom you can sit in. I push open the door and a little bell chimes, I smile, I adore these types of things. It's a Monday afternoon so there's no one here except for who I presume to be the baker, judging by the vast amounts of flour on her apron and hands. "Heya" I say smiling.  
"Hello there" says wiping her hands on  
her apron, "what 'n I get for you today?" she says cheerily with a thick Welsh accent.   
"I think my mom has a reservation, I'm a little late though" I say, nervously looking at the time.  
"Oh I should if known by the accent. She's just in the back, 'f you'd come this way" she says, gesturing towards a yellow painted door.  
I'm just about to open the door when she calls back "I almost forgot, there's a record player in there if you've got any requests" I swear to god can this place get any cuter!   
"What's your favorite?" She looks at me puzzled.  
"I can listen to my favorite music whenever I want, I wanna know yours"  
"Oh" she says, a smile creeping across her rosy cheeks. She ventures over to the shelf, pulling out a colourful looking record entitled Boy in Space: Live.   
"It's not for everyone but I hope you like it" she says handing it to me.  
"Do you need me to put it on or shall I?"  
"I should be ok but thank you" I say, turning the brass handle of the yellow door to see my rather annoyed mom. It's a two person table with a patchwork table cloth and jar of wild flowers. Beside it sits a large bay window looking over a small allotment.   
"Hi honey" says my mom, getting up from her chair and giving me a warm embrace.   
"Hey mom" I say, holding her a little tighter.  
"Sorry I'm so late, I had to drop Patrick off" I take a seat opposite her.  
"It's no worry. Now, how are you baby, I haven't seen you in so long" she takes my hand from across the table, squeezing it tightly.   
"I'm sorry mom, I've missed you too"

We talk for a while before deciding what to get. I knew she'd be suspicious if I ordered a decaf coffee so I opt for a pot of english breakfast tea and a millionaire shortbread.  
We eat, drink and talk some more. We talk about Joe, London, killing Eve and how my mum died my dad's shirt pink in the washer.   
She has to go back to her hotel and pack so I take our plates back to the counter.

"How was everything?" says the girl from earlier.  
"It was amazing, and might I say you have excellent taste in music" she blushes, putting the plates behind the counter.  
"Do you have a recommendation for me?" She says sweetly.  
"Hmm, _Pennies From Heaven_ , James Taylor"  
"Ooh okay, country girl" she says, pressing various buttons on the cashier.  
" _Sure am_ " I say in a southern accent, we both chuckle.  
"That'll be £8.20, cash or card?"  
"Card" I say, getting my wallet out, "is that you?" I say gesturing to a photo of what seems to be her playing the harp.  
"Oh um" she turns to look at it "yeah, my dad put it up"   
"Well, I'd love to hear you play sometime...um" I squint to look at her name badge.  
"Catrin"  
"Well Catrin, thank you for your music recommendation and I hope to come back here soon" I say heading towards the door.  
"Oh! Um ma'am, you forgot to pay" she says nervously.  
"Oh fuck sorry" i say sprinting back and getting out my card. I tap it in the machine and it beeps.  
"Sorry about that" _great, she thinks I'm a theif now._  
"Happens to everyone" she says smiling. I wave goodbye, opening the door, the bell chimes once more.

 **AN:** thank you guys for 1k reads!!! Sorry I've been so inactive but hope you like this fluffy ass chapter. Also should Catrin make another appearence? Anyways thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed, dont forget to leave suggestions! Have an incredible day!


	9. Chapter 9

⛔Trigger Warning: heavy references to miscarriage!⛔

  
  


**Chapter 9**

“Hey Dr Hadley, I’m just calling to make an appointment. It's nothing to worry about so don’t stress, just uh call me back when you get the chance” I say ending the message.

I sigh, rubbing my eyes, it's just past ten. Joe comes in, mug in hand, “Morning love” he says kissing my forehead. 

“Morning” I say croakily, taking his empty mug and placing it on the counter beside me.

“Didn’t make  _ me _ any coffee _ ”  _ I say with a pout.

He chuckles softly, “You were very much asleep” he teases, filling up the kettle.

“Aww, you’re making me coffee now?”

“ _ Nah,  _ just felt like a big ‘ol cup of hot water” he grabs my cat mug from the cupboard above, sneering to himself.

“You’re  _ hilarious,  _ I can't contain my laughter... _ oh wait,  _ I can” I give him a death stare as he gets out the coffee.

“Somewhat of a comedian yourself Miss Swift” 

“Mhmm” I say bringing him into a warm embrace. It's these kinds of moments, the minutes that are ours and only ours. The times only we know about.

“Who were you on the phone to?” he asks softly. I didnt realise I still had the phone in my hand.

“Oh, my O.B, tryna book our first appointment” I say, putting my hand on my stomach. He gives me this look, I can't describe it, like pride, and joy and...and love. 

“So what time is  _ our  _ appointment?” he says, placing his hand over mine. 

“She was busy so I left a message”

“Oh right. Have you uh,  _ told your mum yet? _ ” he winces, well aware he’s on thin ice. I haven't, but I'm worried, it feels  _ wrong _ , like something bad is bound to happen. If I told her about the baby and something bad were to happen, like last time, it would break her. I'm so scared to get people’s hopes up only to disappoint. 

“No, not yet. I wanna go to the scan first, make sure everything’s ok”

“Hey, it's gonna be ok, alright? I know you're scared, I am too. But I want you to know that  _ whatever  _ happens, it’s not your fault, and I love you,so, so much.” I don't say anything, I just hold him.

“ _ Ok? _ ”

“Ok.”

I spend the next couple hours cooking a nice lunch for Joe and I. I rarely have this much time to cook so it makes a nice change. It also gives me time to think about everything, Joe, my mom, the tour, the baby, all of it. Ever since I was sixteen my life was planned to a tee, I spent hours scheduling years in advance and now, something so small, has changed everything. I'm meant to start rerecording my masters next month, I'm meant to go on tour next year, I'm meant to release an album in two years. And yet none of that matters, because there’s a human,  _ my human,  _ growing inside me.

I get a call back from Dr Hadley as we're clearing up from lunch, Joe heads upstairs, giving us some privacy.

"Hi Miss Swift, it's Dr Hadley here, I got your voicemail about an appointment, what's up?"

"Heya,  _ also,  _ since when are we not on a first-name basis?!"

"Since  _ formalities _ " she says hastily.

"I've been coming to you with UTIs for the last six years, we're on a first name basis." I say adamantly.

"Well  _ Taylor,  _ you called about an appointment…"

"Oh. Yeah. So, um I, am uh… pregnant." I swallow the lump in my throat as the words come out my mouth. Don't get me wrong, I'm over the moon about having a baby but it still scares the  _ absolute  _ shit out of me.

"Well congratulations Taylor, I'm guessing you were calling to book a scan then!" She says cheerfully.

"Yeah, I was just a little nervous" I say shyly, I pause for a moment before blurting; "I want it… the baby, I really do want it this time"

"Well that's wonderful, I'm really happy to hear that" she radiates a kind of sincerity you don't hear very often, the kind when you know someone  _ truly  _ cares.

"Do you have a rough idea of how far along you are?" 

I think back, blushing as I work my way through the past weeks.

"I'd say around four, five weeks, but I'm not too sure" 

In reality I know the date exactly, but that's far too embarrassing, anyways, I'm sure a few days won't matter in the grand scheme of things.

"Well that sets you up nicely to have a scan sometime next week, how does tuesday morning sound? I know you're not much of a morning person so eleven?”

“Um yeah, sounds good, I'll check my diary but as far as I know that’s good for me.”

“I'm gonna ask you a few questions, just to get the admin stuff done now, if thats ok?” 

She asks me various questions - how I’m feeling, if I’ve had any pain, who’ll be joining me at the appointment - stuff like that. The miscarriage comes up,  _ of course it does.  _ She reassures me the events of my previous pregnancy shouldn’t affect this one, not physically at least. 

We wrap up with some pleasantries and the confirmation of my appointment. 

I text my mom, inviting her for lunch on wednesday. Assuming all goes well the day prior, I’ll tell her about the baby.  _ Fuck I’m nervous. _

As I'm flicking through my calendar I notice a date highlighted, our anniversary… two weeks ago. 

"Joe?" I say popping my head round the door to his office. He slips off his headphones giving me a toothy grin.

"Babe…" I say hesitantly "did we  _ both  _ forget our anniversary?"

He gives me a look of horror, quickly looking at his own calendar.

" _ Yes… " _

I burst into laughter, as does he as we marvel in our forgetfulness. Once we've composed ourselves I go up to him, planting a soft kiss on his lips as he wraps his arms around my waist.

" _ Well, we could always pretend tonight's our anniversary"  _ our lips meeting once again.

"Hmm,  _ okay…  _ " he says between kisses.

" _ Happy anniversary _ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this chapter, I really hope you enjoyed. As always thanks for sticking by despite me not updating in over a month. Don't forget to leave suggestions and feedback etc in the comments. Have an amazing day!


	10. Chapter 10

The muffled voices of the radio next-door sting the silence of my office. I close the article I was reading and power off the computer. Standing up, I stretch my back, realising I've been sat down for far too long. 

I head towards the kitchen, Taylor's tuneful murmurs fill my ears, planting a smile on my face. She has her back turned to me as she chops various vegetables on the work surface ahead.

"Taylor…" I say, rather worried for what I'm about to say next. She hums in approval, very much engrossed in her cooking.

"So I've been doing a bit of reading and research, and, well I'd like to propose the idea of um maybe, perhaps, _totally fine if you don't want to,_ but may-" I pause for a moment, taking a deep breath, gathering my thoughts. 

" _ Look.  _ What I'm trying to say is that I've been looking into gender-fluid parenting and I want to know what you think." 

I wait for a response, she says nothing. I hear her take a breath, it seems like an eternity but she finally turns around. To my suprise, a soft smile is planted on her face accompanied by a handful of tears.

"How did I end up with someone as wonderful as you?" she says, moving towards me. 

"Opposites attract, I guess" 

She chuckles, bringing me into a warm embrace. I hold her close, my hands resting over her hips, her’s hanging over my shoulders. She nuzzles in my neck as I breathe her in, every note of every mannerism, every breath, I hold it in my mind.

She sways to face me directly, our faces mere moments apart. Her hands rise, holding my head against her’s.

“I want your forever.”

“ _ And always.” _

I’m in the bathroom when I hear Andrea arrive. I quickly dry my hands, and check my hair,  _ perfect as ever.  _ As I turn the corner towards the kitchen, I notice four places set at the dining table, however I’m quickly distracted by Andrea welcoming me into a hug.

“ _ Aaaww,  _ how’s my Joe eh?” she says with a grin. I often catch myself taking  _ this  _ for granted, her mother welcomed me with open arms when she didn’t have to.

“I’m doing great thankyou” I say pulling her in for another side hug.

“I,  _ your biological child,  _ am also here” quips Taylor as we make our way back to the kitchen.

“So what’s on the menu today then?” she asks, rubbing Taylors shoulder.

“We’re having chicken bake with sweet potato, chard and most importantly; _ Joe’s top-notch gravy. _ ” she says with a coy cockney accent, earning a chuckle from both Andrea and I.

“Which, speaking of, will be ready in just a ‘mo so go sit down” 

As we turn to head towards the dining table Taylor gives me a smirk which I can only assume has some relevance to the extra plate set. She quickly turns back towards the oven, opening it, and taking out the chicken bake. It's in a floral dish, the kind that seems is if it should be her mother's, but I know full well Taylor bought it.

"Is someone else joining us?" Andrea asks, taking a seat at the table.

"Why'd d'you ask?" Replies Taylor with a slight smirk.

"Well there's four places set, and I'm only counting three..." she says slightly puzzled, I too take my seat as Taylor heads towards, dish in hand.

"Well…" says Taylor putting down the dish "someone will be joining us,  _ however,  _ they won't be here for another nine months so…" I can't help but grin as Andrea covers her mouth with a shriek, practically leaping over to Taylor and wrapping her in a warm embrace. They slowly pull away, tears and smiles from the both of them.

"Holy crap!" She says jumping up with excitement, "Holy crap" she repeats looking rather shaken. 

"Oh I'm so happy for you" she sobs " _ my baby,  _ all grown up, I'm sorry" she says attempting to dry her eyes, "but this is just so wonderful!"

My eyes prick with tears as Andrea turns to face me, "and you  _ Mr:  _ thank you. Thank you for making my daughter so, so happy. You are an absolute sweetheart and i don't know what any of us would do without you." She pulls me in for a full embrace, I'm fully crying at this point.

Later that afternoon, the three,  _ or four,  _ of us retire to the living room. Taylor sits beside me, legs slinked over mine as Andrea sits to the left of us.

"Oh just look at the pair of you" she coos "your own little family" she says, letting out a small sob "My, my. Look what you've done to me" she haphazardly wipes her tears away and reaches for her phone on the coffee table in front.

"Now. Stay there, you two are just so cute. I need a photo. She stands up and takes, from what we can observe, enough photos to fill an album. 

"Ooh, oh. Taylor love, put your hands on your belly"

Taylor sighs, placing both hands on her stomach and giving a forced smile.

" _ Taylor.  _ Could you please just smile properly"

" _ I am _ "

I can't help but chuckle over their bickering.

"See, look at Joe, he's smiling nicely."

I give Taylor a smug look as she eventually smiles normally.

" _ Now that was too hard was it? _ "

Taylor briefly rolls her eyes before posing once again for  _ more  _ photos.

When she's eventually done, she sits back down and turns to me,  _ oh fuck. _

"Joe love, would you mind letting me talk to Taylor alone for a moment?"

"Um, uh ,yeah sure" I say somewhat confused. I carefully lift Taylor's legs from atop of me and place them on the couch.

"I'll just, uh, go do laundry?" I stutter heading towards the laundry room, it's only when I get there that I realise there is no laundry. Not only this but the wifi in here is renoundly shit. 

Let's just hope Andrea doesn't have too much to say. 


	11. Chapter 11

"Joe love, would you mind letting me and Taylor talk alone for a moment?"

_ Oh fuck.  _ Please, god let this not be as bad as i think its about to be. If my mother dares mention my vagina or god knows what I think I might just die right here, right now. When Joe's finally left the room she turns to me with a rather concerning look.

"You alright love?" 

"Um, yeah I'm fine. Are you ok? Why did you ask Joe to leave?"

"Well,  _ I dunno,  _ I guess I just wanted to make sure you're ok? There might be something you're not comfortable telling Joe, or anything for that matter. Point is, I'm here for you. Ok?"

"Honestly mom, I'm doing great. But i appreciate the gesture."

"Well, a mom's allowed to worry isn't she. You'll know all about that soon, eh?"

"Yeah. Yeah I will" I'd never really thought about it. I mean I'm aware I'm having a child but I guess i'd never thought about how that makes me a mother.  _ Damn.  _ Deep shit right there.

"I know you're not very far along but have you thought about where you'll be based n' all that?"

"Only in passing, I think probably here or Nashville. But I need to discuss it with Joe and everything. I've started making lists of all the things I need to sort out" I say with a chuckle.

"Well, I'm here whatever you decide. And you've been ok, with the pregnancy and everything, especially after everything that happened in the fall, I'm sure it's hard" I hum in agreement as she rubs my back.

"Wait.  _ What?  _ I never told you about that."

"I know, but Joe did" she says rather too calmly for someone who's just made a somewhat dramatic confession.

"Joe told you?! What the fuck. I, I, I can't believe he broke our trust…"

To be honest, I'm more disappointed than angry, and in some ways glad she knows. Maybe she'll understand why I'm the way I am a little better.

"No. You mustn't blame him. I could tell something was off and that you were having a hard time. I tried to talk to you but you refused. Which for the record is fine, you were grieving. I went to Joe hoping he could fill me in on what had happened. He was reluctant at first, but eventually told me what had happened, I'm sure you know this but it really took a toll on him and I think he was hesitant to go to you about it because you were hurting so badly too. Look, the fact of the matter, is that Joe told me not out of distrust but because he thought it was the right thing to do. I asked and if you hold any blame, let it be on me not him."

"Okay"

"I'm sorry baby" she sobs, rubbing my back as tears fall into my lap "I'm so, so sorry you had to go through all that. I'm sorry that you felt like you couldn't tell me and I'm sorry that I didn't say something sooner. I guess I thought that maybe if you wanted it that way, I should keep it that way."

"No, it wasnt that I didn't want you there. I wanted nothing more than for you to hold my hand and say that it wasn't my fault, and it was going to be ok. But you don't deserve that kind of pain, it was bad enough going through it myself, but to bring someone else into it…"

"You know I'd do anything for you?"

"Mhm" I say, as the memories flood back.

"Anything and more"

" _ I'd quite like to stop talking about this now if that's ok?"  _ I say with an attempted smile.

"Okay, that's alright"

She pulls me in for a long embrace, the kind I wished for six months ago.

"Right then" she says wiping away the tears and putting on a smile "have you thought of any names?"

" _ Mom,  _ I found out like a week ago"

"Taylor Alison Swift. You've had your wedding planned since you were nine. I know full well there's an entire journal of baby names knocking around here somewhere."

I chuckle, I probably did when I was eleven but I'd like to think my tastes have probably changed for the better since then.

" _ Actually"  _ I say, swallowing the lump in my throat "me and Joe were actually looking into gender fluid parenting. Um, we still need to do some more research and stuff so ideally a  _ neutral  _ name"

"Oh honey that's wonderful, you know that kind of thing is much better accepted these days. I'm proud of you.  _ You know that.  _ I mean even know it takes guts to make a decision like that, but uh, I think it's the right one." 

"Yeah, I think it gives us a chance to protect their privacy, you know? Can't force gender stereotypes if you don't know their gender. I mean of course if they grow up and decide that they're perfectly ok with their given sex then that's fine. I guess i just think that growing up is so amazing and I don't want that to be ruined by them being judged for what they choose to play with or wear. It's so fucking dumb to be honest, I wish i didn't have to make this decision."

"Don't beat yourself up over it. The more people like you break down these walls, the less people have to climb over."

"Thanks mom"

"You should probably go get Joe, he'll think I've taken you hostage" I laugh, hoisting myself up from the sofa and towards the laundry room. I find Joe sitting on the floor, phone in hand as he appears to be playing some kind of game.

" _ You having fun in here?"  _ I say coyly as he gives me a harsh look.

"Uh. No. Not really. The lack of washing and wifi have kinda been a mood kill."

"Yeah, why did you go in here?"

"Your mum shooed me out of the living room and i was rather taken aback by that so i just wondered in here"

"Well,  _ lost soul, _ I -your saviour- am here now."

" _ Oh thank god"  _ he shrieks, getting up from the tiled floor " _ I am saved, how can I repay you?" _

" _ Come back to me kingdom and be my husband"  _ I say, cupping his face.

" _ When shall we be wed?!" _

_ "Tomorrow!" _

_ "My god!"  _ He squeals, pretending to faint, I attempt to catch him but we end up in a rather tangled mess on the floor.

"Were you serious though? About getting married?"

" _ Maybeeee"  _ I say with a giggle.


End file.
